somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
