There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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