My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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