Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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