barbara walters just said penis...
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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