Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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