There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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