sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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