What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
