Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
