Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
