When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
it's like heaven, but drunker
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
