The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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