based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
