Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
