I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
