Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
