Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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