There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
false alarm. still invincible.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
