she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
