apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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