Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
