there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
