Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
