textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
