She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Randomize
