yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
