if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
