Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize