i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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