I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
please don't ironically join a cult
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