very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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