I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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