Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
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