The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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