dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
