So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
