Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
