tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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