If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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