A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
