that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
