tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
