Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
