her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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