can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
