my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
