You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
