Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize