I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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