11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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