Whatcha textin bout Willis?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
