Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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