Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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