He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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