Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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