If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Randomize
