I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
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