I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
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Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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