8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
ok first of all what the fuck
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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