Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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