do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
