She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
