god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
