The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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